I think I'm scared of being loved and that's why I choose to shut myself out from ever being in that situation. Why I don't fight for what I deserve when things get hard and why I think I deserve less than nothing. The saying "You accept the love you think you deserve" is in perfect application in my situation. I have never felt love and some days it feels as if I never will, because who would love a person so broken and messed up as me? I don't know why but one comment during the best of days can make me spiral down and make me feel incomplete. I think that might be the reason for so much in my life. The fact that I have not yet heeled form the wounds in my past makes me unable to feel that kind of love. And who wants to love someone that can't love them back.
The sad thing is I sometimes crave that love. I lay awake feeling so lonely that my heart hurts, like there is no one to comfort me, ever. I just want someone to help me get rid of the pain I feel when going to bed alone.
