I think I'm scared of being loved and that's why I choose to shut myself out from ever being in that situation. Why I don't fight for what I deserve when things get hard and why I think I deserve less than nothing. The saying "You accept the love you think you deserve" is in perfect application in my situation. I have never felt love and some days it feels as if I never will, because who would love a person so broken and messed up as me? I don't know why but one comment during the best of days can make me spiral down and make me feel incomplete. I think that might be the reason for so much in my life. The fact that I have not yet heeled form the wounds in my past makes me unable to feel that kind of love. And who wants to love someone that can't love them back.
The sad thing is I sometimes crave that love. I lay awake feeling so lonely that my heart hurts, like there is no one to comfort me, ever. I just want someone to help me get rid of the pain I feel when going to bed alone.
söndag 10 februari 2013
torsdag 24 januari 2013
Screw You Freaks!
Something I don't understand is why I'm alone.
I have been alone since the day i was born so why should today be any different?
But for some reason I can't shake the feeling that people are turning their back to me,
choosing not to communicate and turning me down.
I haven seen a single person for a week now...
Maybe I am turning crazy and that's the reason for all of these thoughts.
Or possibly it's just the case that the people I called my friends a few weeks ago
have chosen to not be my friend again.
Through their actions is how I know this.
I have told them I don't feel good and that I need them,
Still they don't come to my rescue and I am stuck in my mind for a while longer.
Why should I still call them my friends when they have chosen to let my mind die within itself in the lonely physical state I'm in.
I say Fuck Them! I don't need them!
This is easy to say but hard to do when the human nature is hard to get away from.
Everyone needs the contact of others to not go crazy...
This is the quality of humans I dislike the most because you have to depend on other people.
And other people always let you down, no matter what.
Why should my happiness depend on another human being?
But the fact is; this is the case and no one can get away from it.
Everyone needs another and no one can be alone.
I have been alone since the day i was born so why should today be any different?
But for some reason I can't shake the feeling that people are turning their back to me,
choosing not to communicate and turning me down.
I haven seen a single person for a week now...
Maybe I am turning crazy and that's the reason for all of these thoughts.
Or possibly it's just the case that the people I called my friends a few weeks ago
have chosen to not be my friend again.
Through their actions is how I know this.
I have told them I don't feel good and that I need them,
Still they don't come to my rescue and I am stuck in my mind for a while longer.
Why should I still call them my friends when they have chosen to let my mind die within itself in the lonely physical state I'm in.
I say Fuck Them! I don't need them!
This is easy to say but hard to do when the human nature is hard to get away from.
Everyone needs the contact of others to not go crazy...
This is the quality of humans I dislike the most because you have to depend on other people.
And other people always let you down, no matter what.
Why should my happiness depend on another human being?
But the fact is; this is the case and no one can get away from it.
Everyone needs another and no one can be alone.
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